Feeling lost in life: What causes it and 5 steps to rediscovering your purpose now!
Feeling lost in life…
Feeling lost in life can be overwhelming, but it can also signal transformation. Discover the root cause and follow these five steps toward clarity.
Feeling lost in life is one of those universal experiences that no one escapes. And yet, when it’s 2am and you’re staring at the ceiling thinking ‘How the f*ck did I get here?!’, it’s the most lonely experience in the world.
It’s that sense of feeling adrift; of not knowing which way to go - and the confusion, indecision, and overwhelm can be paralysing. No more! It’s time to get out of the uncertainty trenches.
In this post, I’m going to share with you some of the steps I use in my work as an executive systemic coach. And also some of the hard-learned insights that helped me when I was in the sh*t.
(You can read more about my story here.)
Buckle in, because in this blog, you’ll learn where that sh*tty ‘I’m stuck!’ feeling comes from, why it can actually be a good thing (yes, really!), and five steps that will take you from lost to living a life that’s more aligned.
Find a way forward - Book a Coaching Session
Why do I feel so lost?
If I had a euro for every time I grappled with this question while I was in the thick of it!
Feeling lost in life is a signal that something in your life is no longer working (more on that to come!) and usually you’ll find it’s pegged to one of the following…
Feeling lost in life: Common reasons:
A mismatch between your life and values
Sometimes, feeling lost is your inner compass telling you that your current path doesn’t align with what truly matters to you.
Maybe you’ve been prioritising external validation over personal fulfilment, or you’re stuck in a role that feels disconnected from who you really are.Fear of change
I’m not going to sugarcoat it, change can be exhilarating but it can also be bloody scary. Fear of the unknown can keep you stuck in familiar but unfulfilling patterns.
It’s that feeling of ‘I know what I want, but I’m too afraid to move’. And yep, you guessed it, that can contribute to feeling lost too.
It’s part of being human!
Purpose is malleable. We’re led to believe that we should have it all figured out the moment we open our eyes on this earth, but your purpose can grow and shift. You can outgrow parts of it all the time and these moments of confusion are what make you stop, question, and grow.
But it can feel pretty isolating and overwhelming before you get to that point.
Why feeling lost can be a good thing
Feeling lost in life can be unpleasant, sure - and believe me, when I was feeling stuck, if someone had told me it was a good thing, I might have punched them in the face.
But often, that ‘Help! I’m lost’ feeling is a wake-up call. That moment when you know something is off is so valuable because it’s a gentle nudge that you are ready for something more.
(Sometimes it’s a forceful, painful nudge!) If you never experienced the discomfort of feeling lost, you might never move. You might always stay stuck in the same place.
You’d never take stock of your life. You’d just keep plodding along. Feeling lost in life is a re-direct, it’s a signal that something in your life needs attention - and I’m going to help you find it…
Ready to get unstuck?
5 steps to finding your purpose when you feel lost
Feeling lost in life doesn’t have to be a forever thing. But you do need to be proactive in overcoming it. (It’s not one of those things that ‘just goes away on its own’.)
The good news is that with reflection, intention, and manageable action you can have a much clearer idea of what you’d like your life to look like and how to get there.
Ready to for change? These five steps will get you started…
1. Don’t get down on yourself
Feeling lost in life is a funny old thing because sometimes we can see it as a reflection of our self-worth. We can look out at everyone else, wondering how they have all their sh*t together.
(Spoiler alert: they don’t!)
Kicking yourself while you’re down isn’t helping. It only adds to your indecision and makes not knowing which way to go feel all the more paralysing.
So, first things first, acknowledge how you’re feeling and practice self-compassion. Here’s how:
How to practice self-compassion
Be curious, not critical! Instead of beating yourself up, ask yourself, ‘What is this feeling trying to tell me?’ Approach your emotions with an open mind, not a critical one.
Speak to yourself kindly. Look out for negative self-talk. It's the last thing you need. Instead of saying, "I should have figured this out already!," try: "It’s okay to not have all the answers. I’m doing my best, and that’s enough."
Give yourself permission to pause! Feeling lost in life can send us spiralling into productivity mode. You might assume you can fix this feeling by doing, doing, doing, but you’ll think more clearly if you allow yourself to rest and recharge.
Focus on the two Cs as you muddle through this transition: curiosity and compassion. Get curious about why you’re feeling stuck and treat yourself with compassion.
2. Journey back and identify your roles
Our lives are always leaving us clues about who we are and the path we are supposed to follow. With a little reflection, you can identify the roles you’ve played throughout your life.
Maybe you’re a caregiver and have always made sure your friends and family are looked after.
Maybe you’ve always been more of a leader; the kind of person who says ‘I’ll handle it’ and takes the lead on every project.
Perhaps you’re a problem solver. You’ve always been the one to come up with a creative solution and think outside the box.
Understanding the roles you naturally play can give you an idea of your purpose in life.
How to identify your roles
Reflect on key moments in your life. The pivotal moments in our lives can reveal a lot about who we are. Think about the times you felt most fulfilled and the situations you felt most challenged. What roles did you step into at these times?
Ask those who know you best. Sometimes those closest to us can see us more clearly than we see ourselves. Ask close friends and family what roles they’ve noticed you take on.
Pro tip? Don’t expect this to be an overnight thing. Self-reflection can be a long game - and that’s okay!
Time for reflection
3. Reflect on your values
Feeling lost in life is usually a clear sign that you aren’t living in alignment with your values. AKA the things that matter most to you.
(You might be thinking, ‘Yeah, no sh*t, Sherlock’ right now, but bear with me!)
Your values are beliefs that guide your decisions and actions. They can be things like honesty, adventure, family, respect, and achievement, to name a few.
When you’re living out of sync with your values, everything can feel off-kilter, and so, understanding your values and re-aligning with them is key to getting unstuck.
How to realign with your values
Identify your core values first. Make a list of 5-10 values that matter most to you. Don’t overthink it. Just jot down what immediately comes to mind.
Spot the disconnect. Take a look at your life and consider where you might be neglecting these values. (This step will take a little time. Don’t rush it!)
Make small tweaks. Now you know where you’re out of alignment, it’s time to think about what small changes you make to live closer to your values.
Turn those tweaks into daily habits. Change isn’t a one-time thing, it’s an everyday thing! Every day, ask yourself how you can live in alignment with your values.
4. Map your Systems
Your family. Your workplace. Your social circle… These are all examples of systems.
The systems in your life affect how you think, feel, and behave and they can have a positive influence or a negative one.
They can be energising or draining.
In systemic coaching, the idea is to understand how these various systems affect you, how they might be contributing to your sense of feeling lost or stuck, and how to bring balance to them.
It’s a process that can bring immense clarity.
How to map your Systems
List the systems you are part of. This list could include family, work, friendships, community groups, and even online circles, early education systems are also critical.
Assess how each system makes you feel. Which systems make you feel drained and unsupported? Which make you feel your most energised and motivated?
Consider your role within these systems. Sometimes, feeling lost in life stems from the roles we unconsciously take on in our systems. So ask yourself: who am I in each of these settings? And how does that affect me?
Shift unhealthy dynamics. It’s time to make changes where possible. Yep, this might mean having uncomfortable conversations and setting firmer boundaries.
5. Focus on micro movements
When you’re feeling burnt out from overwhelm and indecision, starting fresh can be a tall order. You might want to move but you’re too bloody tired.
This is where micro movements (i.e taking tiny, strategic steps in the right direction) can be incredibly helpful.
Systemic coaching encourages small, intentional actions that build momentum without depleting your already-spent reserves.
The Power of Systems
Reflect on all systems you have been in.
What patterns or what role do you take in many of the?
Here’s how to get started…
Identify one small step. It could be something as seemingly tiny as researching a business idea or reaching out to someone in your network.
Celebrate your progress. Each step forward, no matter how small, is a win. So make sure you see it that way. If you’re a visual person consider charting your progress.
Lean into support. Resilience doesn’t mean going it alone! Lean on the people who champion and inspire you most as you make these changes - and distance yourself from those who don’t.
Embracing the shift…
I know just how sh*tty feeling lost in life is - because I’ve been there! But I also know there is a way through.
You’re tired, you’re worn down, but I know from experience that it can be the start of a powerful transformation.
The emotions you’re feeling right now are a sign that something needs to shift. So, take a deep breath and remember that every step, no matter how small, is a step toward finding your way.
